Archive for July, 2009

Slow Burn…

Posted on July 18, 2009

It is ever so human, this scene…

This scene, is actually not a ’scene’ at all; rather two seperate works by Argentinian painter Fabian Perez.

Either way, I am wholly enchanted by his work, as of late.

I find his portraiture incredibly lusty and desirous and filled with emotional tension…

“It just seems natural. You and me against the world…” ~ Chuck Palahniuk

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The trouble with asking…

Posted on July 16, 2009

“I need a favour…” she whispers
“I have a favour to ask of you…if you would be so kind…” she murmurs
“I require this favour of you…” she declares
“I implore you! You must!” she yells

All this. And still no words…

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Perspective

Posted on July 9, 2009

Every time i look at him, my heart breaks a little more
i swipe the beginnings of a tear from my eye and watch him silently      (intently)
He lies (on the couch.) Oblivious to my internal mayhem. (as I prefer)
i lean in to kiss him and smell his forehead
His skin…i’ve always loved how it smells (sweet)
But now, as i breathe him in
i
am:
overcome
overwrought
overwhelmed

i am waging war on myself. and no matter the outcome, i am destined to lose…

and then i do…
lose

Fear-stained tears flow freely now, salting his sweet-smelling face…
He is surprised. (which is completely unsurprising.)

Odd, this…

Sudden surge of emotion
Unbridled sensitivity
Careening helplessness

This is that, after all
Helplessness

It is true that i cannot help my-Self
Rather, i cannot stop myself from being my-Self
(not that he has asked this of me…)
But myself is selfish…
My-Self looks out for its own interests, above all else

And his-Self loves my-Self so much
(so, so much)
(more than i deserve)

drop.drop.
run.

another. and another. and now…another.
running over his face.    smearing him.
making his sweetness, salty

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Father of Ben Folds, Meet Mother of Girl

Posted on July 1, 2009

My mother left me a message recently (she knows I don’t listen to messages.)

She left it anyhow, and because we’d spoken just the day before, I figured it must be important.

I listen (in spite of myself).

It was my favorite sort of message. rambling. senseless (to most.) crazy fucking important (to me.)

She’d been pondering the validity of a lyric in Kris Kristofferson’s song, ‘Billy Dee.’ Regarding the line…

Between ‘free’ and ‘insane’. She wondered about the width of it. the line…

She rambled for a very long time… so long, in fact, that she began laughing and offhandedly likens her non-linear, irrelevant-to-any-current-circumstance, stream-of-conciousness thoughts, to the Ben Folds Five song, “Your Most Valuable Possessions” from their sophomore release, “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner.

I’d turned her on to the band, and we’d both been extra-enamored by that most simple, yet gripping track.

I love when she is that peaceful. I love her rambling. I love her fully intended symbolism.

She’s clever like that.

I responded via e-mail. (I know she rarely checks her e-mail, but I am a shitty verbal communicator…):

From: The Girl

To: The Mother

My God, am I glad I made the decision to actually listen to your message, which, typically, a non-message-listener such as myself would not do.
I saved it. So beautiful.

In response to your message, I say:

The line is thin. Thinner than most of us care to imagine.
Or to believe.

Therein lies the rub…
Is a ’sane’ life worth living?
Wouldn’t you rather be a perpetual ‘line-walker’ than a ‘normal’? Than a ‘mortal’?
I would.
So would you.

But certainly someone out there would prefer safety…
Prefer normalcy?
Anyone?

Sure, those guys over there (she points,) the insane ones…

You see?

“Some folks called him crazy, lord, and others called him free
But we just called us lucky for the love of billy dee
…”

It’s all perception. But what is the point of a half-lived, half-life, as seen in half-light?

In the poem, “half-light, half-life”, Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins) says:
“Made a little check mark next to my heart
To remember this place for another day.”

Is that not the saddest statement ever?

Totally is.

Call it crazy, call it insane, but we have an obligation to live free…
To not put our-selves (our hearts,) on ‘hold for another day.’
No book marking (of life) allowed.
We are not responsible for the perception with which others see our actions.
We are only responsible for making the action that they are perceiving, authentic.
For better or for worse…

That’s my two cents, anyway (today)

I love you…

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