Posts Tagged ‘ Passive Aggressive Acts’

Well Hello, Past! I Thought We’d Parted Ways…

Posted on February 3, 2009

Something Wicked this Way Comes…

Something Wicked this Way Comes…

If one were to believe the lore, I vanished.
That’s how it was orchestrated and for all intents and purposes, this is a verifiable fact.
Except that it isn’t. I mean, I didn’t. I am very much here.
But as I live and breathe, there are those who swear I do not.

The circumstances are of little consequence at present, but nearly a decade ago, I ceased.
The surname I’d known for the first decades of my life was unceremoniously dropped and a new one taken in its place. Few knew and fewer noticed.
Three lines in the Village Voice “Legal Notices” was all it took and I successfully dissociated myself from all that I’d been.
At least, that was the intention.

In order to properly punctuate my “rebirth,” I relocated to the opposite shore and began anew.

And so it goes…

I come from a long line of escape artists. Though perhaps my people are not as visually remarkable as Houdini and Copperfield, we are masters of undetectable, quiet moves through the night. We are nimble in the physical realm and agile in the mental.

But sometimes, the temptation to gaze into Pandora’s Box is overwhelming.
Within our group, this deepest of transgressions is spoken of only in hushed tones and is positioned as a cautionary tale. We are bred to know better. We are acutely aware that our very survival depends upon unwavering acceptance that once the Past has passed, it’s gone.
But sometimes, that unrelenting tug to peer inside, if only for a moment, and see what has become of those we left behind, is stronger than we are.
Clearly, we’ve forgotten that it only takes that one moment for our Past to slip through the crack into which we stared, and settle squarely in our Present.
It is then that we remember why we never say goodbye… and why we think it best to evaporate straight away, rather than fade and leave a trail.

I have a sinking feeling that my usual evasive tactics will be of no use now.

I suppose that this is the disparity between good Escape artists and great ones. Great “Escapists” are always aware that when resurfacing, there will be questions.

Questions which will demand answers.

In this moment, I am wholly unprepared for the looming scrutiny.
Which matters not at all…

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Overall, The Girl has a Crappy Holiday Attitude…

Posted on December 23, 2008

Light Beyond the Tunnel

Light Beyond the Tunnel

The Girl is a pleasure to have in class.
The Girl is very social. Though she occasionally talks during lessons she does get on well with Others.
The Girl is a social butterfly. She always has a smile and a kind word for her classmates.

The Girl makes gnarly-ass mean faces as she walks down the street.
The Girl has a general distrust of people and tends to believe that she is smarter than everyone
The Girl is pretty exclusive regarding who she allows into her inner circle and can’t be bothered to formulate nice things to say about those outside of it. Nor does she say mean things, though… so maybe she is somewhat salvageable….

The Girl is a shadow of who she once was… particularly during the Holidays.

I realize that I make expressly mean faces when in the presence of tourists. Especially in Times Square. Which I should know better than to walk through, pretty much anytime between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, but certainly just before Christmas. Sadly, Times Square is the main artery that bridges midtown NYC with…well, everywhere else on Earth, so The Girl finds herself trudging and shoving and occasionally grumbling aloud far more often than is recommended by the AMA, AHA, FAA, FDA,NA, AA and the like…

Look, regarding the money tossing tourists… I’m grateful. Please do buy 3 dollar cans of soda from the illegal street vendors and poor imitations of Kate Spade bags from the thief with the bed sheet on the corner. Please enjoy our fine cuisine at luxe establishments like Red Lobster, Bubba Gump’s, and Friday’s. It’s good for the economy. Please, DO stop dead as soon as you get to the top of the subway steps and stare at the sky as you try to get your bearings and figure out if left is North or South. Don’t mind me and my 17 shopping bags. Don’t concern yourself with the 98 pound human who is now being bottle necked by everyone else who is pushing me into your newly purchased I Love NY foam finger. Please! Enjoy the view! I’ll wait.

Seriously, I’m not that angry of a person, but I do get a bit haughty regarding the cultural rules of visiting a new place. Especially a crowded new place. That I have to share with you.

Sigh. For the first time, I am excited for the dark and gray skies of January and February. When the Others leave and I am left to my devices.  When the invasion ends and the lull returns.

But for now, I wait. I dig my heels in and sway in the breeze hoping it blows quickly. Turns out, I just may love the wind.

“Tell me, you go over a man’s house for the first time, do you take off your shoes? Do you put your feet up on his coffee table? Do you walk in the kitchen, eat food that doesn’t belong to you? Open the door to rooms you got no business opening?” ~The Hunting Party

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An Open Apology to the Thief Who Stole My IPOD…

Posted on December 17, 2008

May Karma Be With You...

May Karma Be With You...

Dear “Person” Who Stole My IPOD,

Yeah, I know it was like a month ago. I guess I thought you’d eventually feel bad and return to sender. At this point, I’m grieving.

Sure, I have all the music on my computer. In better fiscal times, I probably would’ve pretended to be saddened by the loss but been internally elated at the opportunity to go down to the Apple store and upgrade my 2006 model for the sleeker 2008/2009 version. Alas, today is not that day.

My mourning process has been agonizing.

Thoughts of the thousands of miles we’d traveled together haunt me…

The memories of the countless late nights when you quietly comforted me in the darkness…

That time at Chappy’s when I realized that insomnia is no fun at all without Internet… you were there. And now you aren’t.

Still, I’ve had a month to reconcile these thoughts and mentally move on. And it was only today that it occurred to me that I owe YOU an apology, Kind IPOD Thief.

I am truly repentant for the gay pop rock anthems that you’ve endured. I’m sorry that you have to sift through Playlists with super-descriptive names like “Travel and Rock Out” (it was an inside joke, not intended for someone on the outside) and “Great Workout” which includes rad songs by prolific artists like Natasha Beddingfield and Fergie.

Still, I encourage you to navigate through the unfamiliar names and chart new territory. You’ll be pleased. Seriously, since you felt the need to steal one of three physical objects that has any meaning to me at all, I do hope you’ll take the time to learn the beauty of artists like Guts and Apparat and Ladytron and Elodie O.

And again, I’m sorry for the most intimate glimpse you stole into the corny parts of my mind. I assure you that if you move through the “Toxic” Britney Spears and “Africa” Toto stuff, the rewards will be plentiful.

Slightly defiled but totally getting on with it,

The Girl of the Water~

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If You Continue to Make Me Angry, I Swear I Will Clean the Entire Fridge.

Posted on November 6, 2008

Will Clean for Control

Will Clean for Control

I will throw away every last container of two month old rice, I will toss every last condiment that has 4 drops of un-retrievable sauce, and I will absolutely throw away the Tupperware container filled with what was (at one time) a fun experiment in Thai cooking. I swear I’ll do it. Don’t test me.

With love,

The most passive-aggressively OCD’d Girl in all the Water

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